There are two solutions to this.
The first, and most important, is
to learn to like yourself.
The
second, is to turn yourself into
the person that you want to be.
If you want to like yourself, one
way to do it is to realise that you
are the perfect You that anyone
could be. No-one else can do the
things you do quite like you. No-
one sees the world quite the
same way.
No-one has precisely
your talents, ambitions, or lack
thereof. No-one screws things up
the same way, no-one makes the
same mistakes and faux pas'.
At
being you, for all your faults and
weaknesses, you would get an A
+. It's ok to be the way you are -
it must be, because the way you
are IS the way you are.
Once you adopt this philosophy
or one like it with regard to
yourself, you will start seeing
others the same way. The truth
is, you probably are attracted to
the opposite sex equivalent of
you, it's just you're also turned
off to them, for the same reasons
you're turned off from yourself.
Accept yourself, and you will
accept them.
Many people think that their
drive to improve themselves
stems from the things they don't
like about themselves. Feelings of
inadequacy, dissatisfaction, or
just dislike and hatred for
yourself actually won't change,
no matter how much you
improve yourself. It is the feeling
that needs to be dealt with, not
whichever reason you rationalise
at the time for feeling it.
It's actually easier to change and
improve yourself once you accept
yourself. The same negative
feelings of self-non-acceptance
lock us in to being those things
that we want to change. Change
the feeling first, and the specific
details will sort themselves out.
Look at the sort of person you
want to get together with. You
can become the sort of person
who they would want to be with,
assuming that you're not already.
If the person they want to be
with, is the sort of person that
you don't like, then you'll have to
let go of those feelings, because
those feelings keep you from
being like them.
Take the school computer nerd,
who wants to get with the
cheerleader. But the cheerleader
likes the football players. She's
physically active, she parties a lot,
and is confident in herself. So she
looks for guys who are physically
active, party a lot, and are
confident in themselves. It makes
no sense that she would want to
be with a guy who locks himself
in his bedroom, is anti-social, and
can't look her in the eye when he
speaks.
So to get the girl, the nerd must
become the football player. He
can still play to his strengths with
computers, and he needn't play
football. But he needs to adopt
their way of being in terms of
inward qualities. If he is truly
attracted to the cheerleader, then
he wants those qualities for
himself anyway, and he dislikes
the contradicting qualities he
already possesses.
The nerd that truly doesn't want
to become the football player
doesn't truly want the
cheerleader. He wants the
bookish girl who is already on
his wavelength. Either way, the
solution is rooted in self-
acceptance. If he accepts himself,
he will accept the bookish girl. If
once he accepts himself, he finds
that he wants to become a
footballer, he can have the
cheerleader too.
Once you accept yourself you will
realise your true motives for
wanting someone you can't
have. If you want to be with
them to compensate for your
own shortcomings, you will no
longer want them. If you want
them because you want to be
like their ideal partner, then you
will become that person. So there
is never a need to change
yourself for someone else.
Accept yourself, and you will like
the potential partners you can
get.
Improve yourself, and you will
get the partner you want.
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